Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Man vs. Woman

Here is an example of our differences, vast though they maybe...

“Well that was fun, but shouldn’t sex last longer than a commercial break?"

“No, that’s the perfect amount of time."


“Yup, you get the job done and you don’t miss any of UFC, perfect."

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

From Hell...with tea

Today is my day, no work, no husband, no child. I do my chores in peace. I actually like doing laundry and futzing about the place.

I am watching bread rise and keeping the home fires burning.

Right now I am enjoying my tea and a scruffy Johnny Depp with an English lilt...heavenly.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

He’s Just Not That Into You or You or You or You...

Men confuse me, for such a stupid species they are a complete enigma. They want anything they don’t have and then when they get it they want something else.

Men are pigs, truer words have never been spoken.

I just finished watching that movie, He’s Just Not That Into You and it was all so true.I could name 50 more movies just like it, yet we still love men, marry them and get our hearts broken by them.

There is so much of this crap out there right now, Tiger Woods, every politician on TV it seems is being caught in an affair. What do men think, do they even think.

Why would you hurt someone you have been married to for so long, who has been by your side through so many life altering moments. They say it’s just sex, but that is almost more insulting. That’s basically saying you ruined everything for nothing.

We marry the man we love. We swear to love them till death parts us. We get pregnant and carry their baby for nine months. We clean for them and feed them. We wash the shit skids out of their underwear and they fuck the first bitch that offers herself. What kind of conversation do you have with yourself that you tell yourself this will be okay?

Life is not a porn movie boys.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Fuck This Green Shit

I am all about saving the Earth. We have destroyed all that we had and we are hell bent on doing it quick, I get it. I recycle and turn of lights when I’m not using them, good for me.

I have a Sigg water bottle so I don’t fill the landfill with my plastic bottles. But, for the love of frickin’ God why can’t I take a drink out of it without giving my brain a fucking bath. I get a nose full of water every time! I thought Swede’s were supposed to be smart.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Man in Black

I wore my typical post holiday outfit to work today, black pants and a black turtleneck.  I thought I was rocking it, you definitely couldn’t see the 4 dozen Christmas cookies I ate or the 2 batches (because 1 pound of butter, 1 pound of sugar and 1 pound of peanut butter just wasn’t enough) of peanut butter balls or the peppermint bark or the untold amounts of booze that was consumed during this joyful holiday season, Happy Birthday Jesus!!!

Until my daughter walked in from school today and took one look at me and said,

“Oh no, who died?"

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I am resolute about resolutions

It’s that time of year, the time where you are suppose to make promises to yourself about all the things you are going to change about your life. I hate making resolutions.  I always come up up with the same pat ones, lose weight, get organized, yadda yadda. This time I really wanted to think about it, to make some real changes.  You see, there are changes to be made.

I am fat, at least 30 pounds, my joints ache and I feel like an old woman.

My house is a mess, really dirty in the corners where it likes to hide.  Mainly because I am so fat, I don’t bend and scour like I used to.

So you see I could go with those pat answers, but I also drink too much, 1 or 2 glasses of wine a night is too much, it is the cause of my other problems.

My skin is bad and I look old.

I am also filled with an anger and hurt that I try to get past everyday and am not quite able to do.

I am mean to people, I am so filled with contempt and anger towards the public I serve everyday at my job. I know I am becoming less able to hide my feelings each day. I answers the same ridiculous questions over and over and it is getting to me.

I do need to make changes, I know it, and right after I finish this glass of wine and the candy from my Christmas stocking I will get right on it.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

The 24 Hour Woman

I guess multitasking and baking don’t really go together.  I tried warming up the kids lunch while baking a batch of cookies.  Now I have fresh baked cookies drizzled in pizza grease.


This shit never happens to Martha Stewart.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

It rears its ugly head...

It is so depressing when a lovely day goes wrong. I had a plan in my head for today and none of it came to fruition.  I can’t figure out people sometimes, how can they be so self centered and rude and not even realize it. Or do they and they are so self absorbed they don’t even care.

Friday, January 1, 2010

A brand new decade...

Last night we partook of a little too much libation and laughter and today we slept it off with hourly naps.  But in between we also found time to watch a bunch of cheesy movies from the 80’s and eat the best smoked venison I have ever tasted in 40 years. Not a bad start to a brand new decade.