Thursday, August 26, 2010

Dirty Old Man

I have talked many times about the crazy-as-shit people that come into my library every day and ask me for help with something or other. I also have several horny weirdos that come in just as often and have all kinds of love to share.

One horny patron in particular is about 95 years old and never misses an opportunity to say something about his erection (or lack-there-of) or his sexual prowess of long ago. He has even faked weakness so I would take his arm and lead him back to the fiction section, just so he could rub the side of my boob the whole way there.

Monday he came in and was in classic form. He had me find him a book that was "good for erections" and then started hitting on a woman at the front desk when she giggled at him. 

"What are you giggling at?  I am good at it, I am. You are never to old for sex you know."
She did her best to become invisible, but it was too late, he had his sights set.  He gave her his best come-hither look and then laid the most awesome come-on line I have ever heard....

"I have a lot of peaches and ice cream in my fridge. I'm just looking for someone to eat it with me."

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


I came home today and decided the chickens need a little treat, so I let everybody out to wander.

They tend to I pulled up an adirondack chair and relaxed.

What a beautiful spot. The field of soy beans is emerald green. The vegetables in the garden are lush. The chickens are scratching and clucking in obvious contentment.

What started out as a special treat for the hens has turned into the best part of my day.

Monday, August 23, 2010

the girls


I have wanted chickens for years. At first the husband was not on board, he is not a farm kid like me, and he didn’t know what to expect. The day I said we didn’t need to have a rooster to have chickens and eggs a light went on.

“Really? How do you get eggs?" Well...after a short sex education lesson he agreed to chickens.

It took a few more years, but last spring we brought home 9 little yellow bundles from the farm store. They were so tiny and cute that I didn’t mind that they lived in my dining room for a few weeks.


They are outside now and in their own little cute house. We have had hours of entertainment from them. They have such funny personalities and we can really tell who is who. The waiting to see who is a rooster and who is a hen has been the hardest part!


A few weeks ago we came home from a camping trip to find 3 eggs in the coop! The number has steadily gone up to 8 eggs a day!! Considering the news about tainted eggs recently I would say our girls were right on time!!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

home sweet home

IMG_3758Our girl is home again. Seven days without hearing her talk, slam a door or laugh. Every year I think it will be easier, but it never is.

The husband and I enjoy our time together, but we are a unit of three and we feel her missing-ness.

We had friends over, ate fancy meals she would never have eaten and watched R rated movies. We went for drives, had happy hour and made each other laugh. But in the background, under the noise was a sadness, a loneliness for our girl.

We are all together now and complete. I still catch myself staring at her, she has changed so much in a week. The way she talks, her brace-less smile is still new and I didn’t have time to get accustomed to it before she left. She is so tall, so beautiful that it takes my breath away.

I look at her and I see my chubby, blue eyed baby staring back at me from a teenagers body. It goes so fast and I don’t want to miss it, not even seven days worth...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

just one day at a time...

I looked away
then I looked back at you,
You tried to say
the things that you can't undo,
If I had my way
I'd never get over you,
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through.

Monday, August 16, 2010

customer service 101


I want all the assholes to know that knocking on the desk and addressing me as "You" will not make me fax your disconnect notice to National Grid any faster.

Thank you

Sunday, August 15, 2010


....."if Jesus was driving the bus I would have bought the lottery ticket...."

Thursday, August 5, 2010

no words...

‎"If you end up not loving me, at least I know I tried."

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

lu·na·tic /ˈlunətɪk/ [loo-nuh-tik] noun

“I am writing a resume entirely out of dictionary definitions."

Said with extreme pride and a huge smile.