Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Ten on Tuesday

My childhood was full of music. My mother was a singer, and she would sing us awake and sing to us while we did our chores, and she loved to sing in the store (which my sister and I absolutely hated). She used to say that she wished life was like a musical and that people would just burst into song when you least expected it!
I watched tons of musicals and I think my choices really show what a child of the 70's and 80's I am...

1. A Star Is Born  - Any Barbara Streisand movie really could be here, this one just stands out as a good memory. I remember my mother and one of her sisters compairing hairstyles with Babs, anytime they hated theirs that is.

2. Grease - My uncle and I went to see this so many times when it came out I think we single handedly raised the movie's gross.

3. Sound of Music - This was one of those movies that only came on TV once a year. I would always look forward to it!  We would go to my grandparents house and watch it and my grandma would make popcorn and homemade pizza. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was also one of those once a year TV treats that I always waited for!

4. Coal Miner's Daughter - My sister and I knew all the words to every song. To this day we repeat dialog from this movie to each other if the moment requires it. I always preferred Sissy Spacek's voice to Loretta's, even though she is the queen of country music.

5. Sweet Dreams - Exactly the same as above. I have both of these soundtracks on my iPod and I just watched this movie, again, about a week ago.

6. Disney Movies - I love any and all singing Disney movies. Mary Poppins was a particular favorite of my tiny baby girl. We would watch, rewind, watch, rewind, watch, rewind..... My particular favorites are Make Mine Music & Melody Time.  They were short cartoon stories and all music.

7. The Wizard of Oz - So many things could be said about this movie, but they already have been.  Recently a man came into work and asked for it. He told me he and his wife had never seen it before and therefore their children hadn't either. I was amazed!

8.  Camelot - I love the songs, and the story has always been one that I was interested in. I had a crush on Richard Harris too and would watch this over and over and pretend he was swooning over me and not Guienevere.

9. My Fair Lady - This is another one where the songs were the main attraction. I have these on my iPod and love sing them. 

10. White Christmas - My favorite holiday movie is It's a Wonderful Life, but sadly Jimmy Stewart doesn't sing. This is the best musical holiday movie and it just isn't Christmas with out it.

Well, that's my list and now I am off to sing my way through the laundry and pretend life is a musical!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Christmas Crafting

I am a list maker. I love notepads and planners and writing stuff down. Partly because my memory for things is just gone (thank you pinterest!) and partly because paper is so pretty!!!

I saw a Christmas planner here that I loved. I knew I could do that and I probably had all the supplies. The original tutorial is from here, and they have tons of great ideas.

I got my supplies out and started crafting. I did have to get some supplies at the store, but I spent about $4 dollars total.

I LOVE this planner! I have already started filling it with lists, holiday movies, delicious treats, adorable Christmas lists written by a not-so-little girl. 

I even made a year-by-year chart of who gets to pick the Christmas tree......just so there's no question it's my turn....

Sunday, November 27, 2011

"I’ll become a blue sky and watch over you." -Tae-hwa

I know that my mother is always with me. I know in my heart that she protects me and guides me in so many ways. I have had example after example these last twenty-two years, too many to not believe. Yesterday I had another....

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a homebody, and weekends are my paradise. I love to be home, I love to putter and cook and not go anywhere. Yesterday was the local Olde Tyme Christmas and spectacular Parade of Lights. CG and I were in the parade with the library float. So, I had to fix myself up and head out in to the world, grudgingly. We left the house at 4 o'clock to head to the 6 o'clock parade.  Another weird qurk I have is being early, to everything, all the time. Just minutes after we had left there was a horrible car accident, in our front yard.

A woman, a woman that I know, was trapped in her car for over an hour. My husband was there with her the whole time, listening to and watching her pain. He said it was horrible.

I could never, ever have been there and seen that.

When my mother and sister were in their accident, just a little farther down the road from this one, I was not home. I was at a concert, with a boy whose name I don't even remember and wouldn't be back for hours. I didn't know. I didn't feel anything. I didn't live at home and I visited very rarely. Friends and partying were more fun than my family. That wasted time with my mother haunts me everyday.

I have a thin veneer of normalcy I wear over my pain, seeing that woman suffer would have shattered it. My mother knew I couldn't see that. We left early, we missed it by moments.  We were gone for hours, until the accident was erased from my own yard.

As a mother I know that not even death would stop me from protecting my daughter.

I learned that from my own mother.

Saturday, November 26, 2011


I just don't understand....

...someone who messes up their life by trying to make it perfect...at any cost
...then blames the other person.....over and over and over...never once accepting any blame
...talks about the shitty thing every day for over a year...to everyone
...is given a second gift...only to compare it to the shitty thing....every day
...getting to do things some of us will never, in our whole lives, get to do....and still complains
...to treat someone with such disregard...when they have chosen to love you

I just don't understand....

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

10 Things For Which You Are Thankful

  1. My husband. The day I decided to marry this man was a good day indeed. We have had our hard times, but they have only proven to us that we belong together and that nothing is as good as laughing and loving.
  2. My friends. I have awesome friends that make me laugh and cry and love me. We have so much fun together that it is almost indecent.
  3. My family. Somehow two messed up people were given the most perfect gift of a child. I am blessed.
  4. My home. I love my house, I love it's broken down parts and making them whole again. I love being tucked up in it, with my two favorite people. I love having people over to share it with us.
  5. My sister.  I wish I could spend more time with her. When I think of all the years living together in the same house that we wasted plotting each others death I am sad, because now that I am not 15 I realize just how awesome she is.
  6. My dog. No one loves you like your dog. I have been lucky enough to have had two of the best dogs ever.
  7. My knitting. I can't tell you how many times sitting and calmly knitting has stopped me from killing someone.
  8. My mother. The nineteen short years that I had her, she taught me the skills I needed to have the  life I have now.
  9. My wine. See knitting.
  10. My Kelly. Sometimes you find a friend that you have always needed, but didn't know until you found her.

Monday, November 21, 2011

And The Moral of the Story Is....

The other day, while dropping my high school-er off in my nightie, my car started to get v.....e......r.....y.....s....l.....o.....w. I crossed my fingers and hoped I would make it home.  When I got to the small hill before my house I had my slipper down to the floorboards and I was maybe hitting 20mph. There was also a strange humming noise coming out of the engine.

I made it to our driveway and had the foresight to back in so I could be towed to our mechanic later.  I called my husband and my mechanic and they both told me to get the car to the garage as soon as possible.  Luckily, it is mostly down hill so I was able to coast the whole way, no tow truck needed.

I almost immediately got a call from my mechanic,

"Lisa, who else works on your car?"
"No one, I would only let you touch my engine!"
But even as I said the words I remembered getting an lube, oil and filter from a dinky (and cheaper) little place behind the flower shop in town this summer. 


"Well, the top to your air filter is off. The cable that connects your air filter to your car's computer is unplugged and hanging there."
Double shit.

"Ummmm, I guess Jon did it....."
Sorry honey, but someone had to get thrown under the bus and I didn't think he'd believe our 14 year old did it.  He fixed everything up, and not cheaply. I promised to never let my husband touch my car again and silently promised to never take it to the dip shit behind the flower shop either.

On my way to work this morning my check engine light came on again....that's what I get for lying.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

I won! I won!

The lovely Pam over at Living Rancho Deluxe recently posted about her french onion soup (my very favorite) and the cookbook she got this recipe from, Beekman 1802 Heirloom Recipes

I love Josh and Brent (Josh a little bit more) and have watched their show for awhile now. When I found out she was giving away a copy of the book I had to put my name in and guess what? 

I won a copy!!!  I am so excited! It won't be here in time for Thanksgiving, but I am sure to cooking things out of this book for Christmas!!

Thank you Pam :)

Saturday, November 19, 2011


Thanksgiving is upon us and everyday I am filled with gratitude for all that I have in my life. I will suddenly stop in the middle of an average, every day act and have an aha moment....

I have friends and family that love me.

My husband and I both have jobs and are able to take care of our daughter.

We have a home that we love.

I am grateful.

Last week was sad for me. My mom's birthday makes me miss her and I feel like I got jipped by losing that irreplaceable person in my life. But as I stood around at my cousin's beautiful apartment laughing and having fun with my mother's sisters I had an aha moment....

Even though I lost that one special person, I still had four more.

I am grateful.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Random Things

  1. I hate Fridays, unlike everyone else in the world.
  2. I can't wait to start cooking for Thanksgiving.
  3. I have been listening to Christmas music all month.
  4. I miss my sister.
  5. I hate the Twlight movies, but I am kind of excited to see Breaking Dawn.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Walk A Mile In Their Shoes

Today at work one of my favorite patrons seemed sadder than usual. She always has a smile for you, she always wants to know how you are and she means it. She reads a lot and comes to visit us at the library every week. I just love her.

I could see the sadness on her face and I knew that her husband had been battling cancer for awhile. I was almost afraid to ask, "Is everything okay?"

She told me that her husband had just had a bad report from his doctor, her sister was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. "I am a breast cancer survivor you know, it runs in our family."  I did not know.

Her nephew, while coming home to be by his mother's side, was in  a horrible car wreck and ended up having his hand amputated.

I did not know what to say, and while I struggled to come up with any words that could make her feel better she said,
"But our son just got engaged and I am thankful for good news."
We all experience good and bad in our lives, some people have to go through horrible things. Some people go tthrough things you can't imagine. Some people let their saddness ruin their lives and make them bitter and hateful. Some people don't let the heartbreak they know define them.

I hope to be one of those people....

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Thank You

If I can but keep on believing

What I know in my heart to be true,

That darkness will fade with the morning

And that this will pass away, too –

Yesterday was a dark day and all the kindness from my loved ones and friends made it easier to bear.

Today will be better.

My two best friends told me that my mother would not want me to be so sad and to lose a day with people in my life right now by mourning the fact that she is no longer here.

They are absolutely right.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Happy Birthday

I am a loud person. I talk, a lot. I smile and greet and try to make everyone I meet feel good.

When I am sad, or mad it is very obvious. I am quiet and withdrawn, and I don't really give a shit if you feel good.

Today I must have had 15 people ask me if I was alright.

"You okay?"

"You sure seem quiet."

"Are you not feeling well?"

"What's wrong?'

And I didn't have a good answer for any of them.

It didn't seem right to say,
"Well, it's my mom's birthday today and I haven't been able to kiss her or suprise her with a balloon or maybe a flower or take her out to dinner in over 20 years because she is dead."
I just don't think that is the answer any of them were looking for.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Chevron Scarf

This is primarily a knitting blog and I am primarily a knitter, with all other domestic duties falling to the way side. So, I thought it was about time I talk about some knitting!  While I still had sunshine I wanted to get some pictures of this beautiful scarf.  It is my two favorite things, Noro and chevron stitch.

It came out beautifully, just as I had hoped and I was thrilled to find a use for some of my kuryeon that seems to multiply on my shelves.

We have had a very lazy day here waiting for our great hunter to return. The apple crisp is out of the oven and the beef and barley soup is in the crock pot. I think a nap may be in order.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Sugar and Spice And Everything Nice


To thank the men and women who have given and continue to give their lives for our freedom, my daughter and I went to the mall to shop. It is a basic human right and one which should not be taken for granted. Unfortunately, I hate to shop for clothes and the only thing I hate more is shopping for clothes with my teenage daughter.

Those few precious years of dressing up your compliant and beautiful baby are barely payment for the years of fighting over every scrap of clothes they want to put on their bodies. Parenthood is not to be taken lightly and I think my #1 fear is screwing her up somehow. I constantly question myself and my decisions, "Is the right thing to do? Will she hate me and be on The Bad Girls Club someday?"
What if that 8th birthday party that I cancelled is the thing she talks about when she is on Intervention?MTV is full of girls whose parents screwed them up. I don't want my daughter to be one of them.

Anyway, we headed out to the big city and the big mall, with the cool stores, to get a few things for my growing-taller-every-day teen. My girl has been bewitched by Seventeen magazine and all those ridiculous teen shows about how she should look and what kind of clothes she should wear. Never mind that she is six feet tall and curvy, not an Abercrombie zombie at all. She only wants those outfits she sees in the media and none of the ones that fit her body type and make her look stunning. And so the fighting begins....

What was supposed to be a nice day together turns into a crying in public kind of day. It is so frustrating to me that she can't see what other people see and that she is so disappointed in her inability to look like that picture in a magazine. I start to doubt myself, what do I do? What is the best way to open her eyes and show her? Surely, it is not getting so upset that I walk away from her in a busy mall and leave her sitting on a bench hiding her tears.

I miss my mom so much now that she is older and I need more advice than when she was a easy baby. This is the time when I need reassurance, someone who will tell me what to do so I can just do it, without worry and doubt. 

I wonder when iPad will come out with an App for that?

Thursday, November 10, 2011


So, I kind of suck at this whole write-a-post-everyday-crap. I'm not gonna lie, I take full advantage of the posting options here on blogger. I do a lot of early morning, could'a been yesterday posting.

Today is my first full day without my husband. He has called me twice and sent me about 10 emails, he doesn't text. We are so pitiful without each other. I have gone away on trips without him before and I hate it. Same for him, even our daughter gets so homesick that she tends to not spend the night places very often. We are definitely homebodies and we like to be together.

A friend of mine was just talking about girl weekends and how important it is to go away without your families and restore yourself, so you can be a better wife and mother. I just don't think it would be like that for me.

Although having instant mashed potatoes for dinner and watching Green Lantern while enjoying all those half naked Ryan moments is pretty fun....

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Christmas Music!!!!

Well, here it is, on the 9th day of the November, on a Wednesday mind you, the Christmas music starts.....and I love it!!

That is 46 days of Christmas cheer, not to mention the eternal loop coming from my iPod.

To celebrate this impending joy let's take a random look at our holiday playlist, shall we?

1. Please Come Home For Christmas-Luther Vandross (the melodic tones of the king of soul)

2. Different Wings-Trans-Siberian Orchestra (classic)

3. I Don't Want To Spend One More Christmas Without You-NSYNC (don't judge)

4. Baby It's Cold Outside-Tom Jones (no one can make Christmas dirty like Big Tom)

5. Opera of the Bells-Destiny's Child (I don't even know where that came from)

6. Sleigh Ride-Neil Diamond (because no one can sing about Christmas like a cute Jew)

7. I'll Be Home For Christmas-Sarah Mclachlan (she had me at SPCA)

8. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer-Burl Ives ( he needs no smart quip, he's a talking snowman!)

9. Christmas In My Heart-Ray Charles (my favorite....)

I can't wait for my James Brown Christmas album around!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

And Then He Was Gone

My husband leaves tomorrow for a hunting trip to PA with his boyfriend best friend. They stay in a cool cabin in the middle of the woods and see bear, deer, turkeys and all sorts of wildlife. They never kill anything and I think there is a lot of beer drinking and bull shitting around the fire.

That means I will spend today making chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal cookies (these can double as breakfast), vegetable soup and beer bread (always looking for ways to get more beer). He will definitely eat good in the woods.

My daughter and I, on the other hand, will have noodles with butter and cheese, instant mashed potatoes, and lots of American Horror Story while the boss is away.....

Monday, November 7, 2011


Let me give you a little run down of my morning so far....

Because just about every clock or time piece I have adjusts itself automaticlly I forgot to manual change the time on my alarm clock Saturday night. So of course this morning it went off an hour early and scared the beejesus out of me. And becausee it was 4:45 am when I tried to adjust the time and alarm, in the dark, I did it wrong and then overslept.

After I jumped out of bed and yelled, "We're late!" I went in the bathroom and realized I hadn't changed the time on that clock either. I reached up to take it off the wall and dropped it. It broke into about three pieces.

Thinking that coffee would be the only thing to help, I turned on the Keurig and took off the water cyclinder to fill it. Yep, I then dropped the full water cylinder and caused a small tsunami on the counter top.

I need my hour back.....

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I'm In The Guild

guild also gild (gld) n.
1. a. An association of persons of the same trade or pursuits, formed to protect mutual interests and maintain standards. b. A similar association, as of merchants or artisans, in medieval times.

Kelly over at Knitn' Green started a Fiber Guild and was kind enough to send me an invite! I don't usually do well in groups, I am kind of a loner, but I decided to put on my big girl pants and do it!

I am a big fan of pj's and my chair on a Sunday night (or any night) so I wasn't sure I would be all that excited to go out. Molly told me about her experiment to experience more of the "real world" instead of just the world wide web. I thought this was a good chance to test it out.

We had a great time! The guild was cool, lots of ladies with their knitting, crocheting and quilting. A delicious pumpkin latte and I met a few new people, definitely a good decision.

We meet again next month and I am already looking forwrd to it!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

The Part Where I Wake Up...

About eight years ago a friend of mine taught me how to knit and a whole new world was opened up to me. I started knitting all the time!  Who knew there was all those yarns and needles and notions out there just waiting to be discovered!

At this same time I had just really gotten into the Internet and blogs. Unbelievably, blogs are kind of on their way out now that facebook and twitter has come on to the scene, but back then I could spend hours reading other knitters blogs and feeling like I was making a friend. My husband used to tease me when I talked about one of my Internet friends , " You mean the ones that aren't real?", he'd say.  But they were real, I knew all about them and what they were doing and what they were making. I really considered them a friend.

I got so in to it that I decided to start a blog. I wrote about my knitting a lot, but then it grew into more about my child, my husband, my family, the loss of my mother and so much more. I did some really good writing on that blog. I won a few small blog awards and I was really proud of what I had done.

I see now that I was naive, that I did not comprehend the scope and distance of the Internet. Sure, I had readers from Finland, Sweden and Ireland, but they were my friends, they left lovely comments about things that I said. They admired my knitting and laughed at my jokes and were kind.

Then one day I had a terrible person with a terrible agenda enter my life and when I realized she could see my life on my blog I completely lost it. I erased the whole thing in a second, years of thoughts, pictures and stories were gone. It was all I could think of to do to protect myself and my family. I wish now I had done it differently and somehow preserved what I had made for myself, but oh well....

Once my eyes were opened to "the other people" on the Internet I checked my flicker account stats and realized 1000's of hits were being made a day on my beautiful little girls pictures, by strangers who had found the pictures by googling things I won't even write here.  All of these led me to be scared of the Internet, of those people, the ones that were not kind.
I went a long time with no presence on the world wide web. I slowly came back to it, but with much more knowledge of protecting myself and the ones I loved. I use all my privacy settings and restrict access to things I didn't before. I joined facebook, but hid myself. I kept my flickr, but no one can see my pictures but me and my family. I didn't restart my blog, all my previous work was gone and I was too afraid to start another. I missed it though, very much. I missed the writing and the comments and the people, the kind ones.

I finally started a blog again a few years ago, just a little post here and there. I go long stretches with nothing to post. I had a hard time writing, deciding what was safe to tell people about. I didn't tell anyone about it and I don't promote my blog to other bloggers, part of me was still afraid. I realized I missed sharing and hearing from people. I want to get those comments and questions, I want to know that someone was touched by a story I wrote about my mother. I want someone to say that they love the scarf I just finished knitting. I missed the connection....

I know those other people are out there still, but I refuse to let them scare me any more.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Friday Night Is Pizza Night



PIZZA!!!! (Internet shouting)

If I was stranded on a deserted island all I would need is my knitting and pizza, it sounds quite nice actually.

Pizza is my favorite food, hands down, no question. I like a lot of things, but I can't imagine a life without ever having pizza again.

We have a long history, pizza and I. When I was little it was Sunday nights with homemade pizzas at the grandparents for Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom and Walt Disney World.  When I got older every other Thursday when my mom got paid she brought home a Susie's Pizza, which was and still is, the best pizza I have ever eaten. Those night are so special to me now that I am older, because I realize what a big deal it was for her to do that for us. After high school I worked at a pizzeria and learned to make pretty good pie. I was a hit at my apartment, because I usually brought home a mistake pizza or one that didn't get picked up.

After my mom died my dad, sister and I survived on pizza for several months. My dad had gone from his mother's farm table to his wife's table and knew very little about grocery shopping. My sister and I were kids and knew less. So every night I brought home a pizza and wings and we ate it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Now that I have my own family Friday night is pizza night. Momma works a long day helping the public to get smarter and then comes home tired and cranky. I am ready for my wine, pj's pizza. I usually start thinking about it about 3:30 and the anticipation grows....

...was that the door bell?

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Alligator's In The Air

Cause the free wind is blowin' through your hair

and the day surround your daylight there

Seasons cryin' no despair

Alligator lizards in the air

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


I'm going to try to post everyday this month for national blog posting month.

Even if it's just something dumb and boring....like this.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

"Who's too old to trick or treat?"

Not these girls apparently. When I suggested they just walk around and enjoy the evening I was given looks of utter disbelief.
"You mean NOT get any candy?!"
Fourteen is still little, don't let those push up bras fool you....