Togetherness

I love my family.

There are very few activities that don't become just a little better when we do them together.

Today I was reminded of one.....

Random Things

1. I hate Fridays, unlike everyone else in the world.
2. I can't wait to start cooking for Thanksgiving.
3. I have been listening to Christmas music all month.
4. I miss my sister.
5. I hate the Twlight movies, but I am kind of excited to see Breaking Dawn.

Motherhood

This morning on the porch is probably the best yet. The sun is dabbled, the breeze is balmy, but not the humid sticky one we have had. The coffee is perfect and the puppy and the old cat have even decided to honor a treaty and enjoy it together.

But for me all I see is my daughter, all I hear in my head is me talking and giving her ideas and advice. I can’t be in the moment because I am too filled with dread and worry.

School starts in a few weeks and already it has started. Her group of “friends” is mad at her. They are all the best of friends, inseparable for weeks and then it happens. The ringleader gets mad because one of the other girls spends too much time with my daughter or she gets jealous over something my daughter has gotten or done or sometimes, it seems, she gets mad for no reason at all and the hate starts.

No one will talk to her, the ringleader won’t allow it. They make plans and do stuff without her and then post it all on Facebook for her to see. They lie and say she did things she knows she didn’t do.

It is all very confusing and hurtful for her. She would never do something like this to them and it is hard for her to believe, every time, that they would do it to her. I try to counsel and help her but it breaks my heart, every time.

They make up and the cycle starts again. I try to tell her to make new friends, but the thought of losing all three of them at once is so daunting to her that she just can’t imagine it.

“Where will I sit at lunch?”

“Who will I talk to in Science?”

“Everyone hates me.”

I have run out of patience with these girls and I have run out of advice to tell my own sad teenager. I long for the days of skinned knees, when a band aid and a kiss could fix it all.

28 Days

I am sick.

Stuffy, drippy, headachy sick.

What’s worse is I think I have given it to the husband and the kid.

We are going to have total world collapse here very soon.

There will be no one to man the ship.

It’s going to get post-apocolyptic...

xxxx fingers crossed xxxx

Friday was a pretty shitty day at work.

A rude remark set the tone and it got progressively worse from there.

I have spent the weekend nursing a sore neck and a throbbing headache.

Back to work today...let’s hope no one pisses me off again…

F**k You

 

Do you really want to make a rude, snarky comment about my outfit while you stand there in your pajama bottoms and homeless person feet…

…really???

Day 29 – 30 Day Blog Challenge

3 Wishes

 

1. I wish you a Merry Christmas.
2. I wish my backyard wasn’t flooding.
3. I wish we could go to Florida this year.

fml

• wake up and stumble downstairs for that first sip of coffee, only to discover it tastes like shit.
• totally miss the opportunity to see this as an indication of the day ahead.
• look into the mirror to see that the zit cream i have liberally applied to my face has made a red, raw map of ugly all over it.
• leave late for the 13 year olds orthodontist appointment because she can’t find the retainer we are going there to have checked.
• tailgate a rusty, crappy AstroVan all the way to the appointment only to see it pull into the same dr we are going to…awkward.
• find out the kid is chewing on the plastic retainer and making it not fit properly and shell out $100 unexpected dollars to get a new one.
• leave appointment and head out to UPS store. carry heavy, awkward box to door and realize the store is not open yet.
• sit in car with kid for 15 minutes in complete silence while i ponder the waste of 100 of my dollars.
• watch store employee arrive at exactly the moment the store is supposed to open and unlock the door.
• carry heavy, awkward box back to store and listen to employee (who just arrived) tell me it will be a few minutes until the computers warm up.
• walk around UPS store for 10 minutes while she tells me i will have to reach over the counter and lift my package for her because she has a 5 pound weight limit.
• look at same employee like she is crazy when she asks me if i would like to take a few minutes to fill out a survey on my service here today.
• finally head back to school with kid…we are so late.
• listen to stomach rumble and grumble because i suffer from some weird affliction that makes me physically sick when i am late for something.
• watch low fuel light blink on even though i just put gas in the damn car yesterday.
• drop the kid off at school and feel relief that it will be 9 hours before i will have to argue about something with her again.
• get home, pour more crappy and look at clock...it’s only 10am

I am resolute about resolutions

It’s that time of year, the time where you are suppose to make promises to yourself about all the things you are going to change about your life. I hate making resolutions.  I always come up up with the same pat ones, lose weight, get organized, yadda yadda. This time I really wanted to think about it, to make some real changes.  You see, there are changes to be made.

I am fat, at least 30 pounds, my joints ache and I feel like an old woman.

My house is a mess, really dirty in the corners where it likes to hide.  Mainly because I am so fat, I don’t bend and scour like I used to.

So you see I could go with those pat answers, but I also drink too much, 1 or 2 glasses of wine a night is too much, it is the cause of my other problems.

My skin is bad and I look old.

I am also filled with an anger and hurt that I try to get past everyday and am not quite able to do.

I am mean to people, I am so filled with contempt and anger towards the public I serve everyday at my job. I know I am becoming less able to hide my feelings each day. I answers the same ridiculous questions over and over and it is getting to me.

I do need to make changes, I know it, and right after I finish this glass of wine and the candy from my Christmas stocking I will get right on it.

It rears its ugly head...

It is so depressing when a lovely day goes wrong. I had a plan in my head for today and none of it came to fruition.  I can’t figure out people sometimes, how can they be so self centered and rude and not even realize it. Or do they and they are so self absorbed they don’t even care.